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Monday, April 27, 2015

Little Girl Lost

Life has a way of taking odd turns. 


Of course, I know it's just God, always orchestrating the little things that make up this journey called, life!

 
I had lunch with a dear friend last week, in fact, she was my best friend when I was only 16 years old.  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to sit across the table from her, so many years, so many memories, and we never run out of things to talk about.
 
Anyway....if you can believe it...there was a very short lull in our conversation when she looked at me quite solemnly and said, "I want to ask you something."  "Well, okay Linda, what is it?"

 
She then says, "How do you feel since your Mother died?"  That caught me off guard...I have had some feelings that I have not discussed with anyone, not Mr D, not my kids....no one.  Is she reading my mind?  She used to be pretty good at that!!
 
 
  
Let's go back a week or two....I was in Walmart lost in a mental list of goodies I wanted, when I passed by the rows and rows of Mother's Day cards.  I can't even begin to describe the feeling of loss that came over me.  I will never buy my Mother a Mother's Day card again.  It was like I was in a vacuum and everything and everyone around me became a blur.  She's gone, she's really gone.  It's already been 2 months and I've been sailing along doing just fine, I thought.  Obviously I have been holding back and refusing to recognize the sadness in my heart.  Momma was 100 years old, her health was not good, and she was so tired.  She would say she didn't know why the Lord wasn't calling her home ~ she was ready to go.  So when she passed I was in that 'bittersweet' fog, not letting in the sadness, just happy she was home with the Lord. 
 
Linda must have sensed this, and I told her my story.  She shared with me how she too felt abandoned after her Mother died, and still has that abandoned feeling.
 
...Abandoned...
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines abandoned as 'left without needed protection or care.'
That's what a Mother gives ~ care and protection.  Even at my age, I enjoyed Mother's care and the protective attitude she always gave.  I feel abandoned, there is a void in my world that will be there until I see her again.  

AND
 
No, I'm not a little girl but I sure feel like a...
 
Little Girl Lost.

This was her 95th birthday, with my daughter Tammy, my granddaughter Maegan, my great granddaughter Ava, Momma and me!

Until Next Time
Remembering Momma
 
 


13 comments:

  1. Oh mercy. I can so relate to those feelings. My sweet Mother went to be with the Lord March 31, 2007 and to this day I still longingly stroll through the Mother's Day cards while tears stream down my face. Thank you for sharing your heart my sweet sister.

    Love in Christ,
    Zee

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    1. Zee, I know how much you miss your Mother. She's always on your mind because you still talk about her so much. You were blessed with a wonderful Mother and I'm so glad you have your wonderful memories that keep her in your heart. Love you!

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  2. Bless your heart, my Friend. My Mom seems to be getting tired and it hurts to feel like we're somewhat trading places. I know you're so grateful for such a caring, knowing friend.

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    1. Deb, it's a road that's hard to travel. Enjoy every minute you share with her and when she's gone you've got sweet memories. And yes, I am so blessed with good friends and I consider you one of them! ((hugs0)

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  3. I am at a loss for words of what to say. I still have my mother, thank God. But it is sad/scary seeing her get older and less active than she use to be. It is hard to see her slowing down. Hugs to you. I am glad you and your friend could talk about this.

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  4. I don't talk very much about my parents, but I lost both my parents at quite a young age...in my mid-20's. My mother died in 1983 and my father died in 1984. I still think about them and miss them, I don't think we ever fully get over it, we just learn how to cope. Great post, Mary, thanks so much for sharing.

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  5. Mary, I have shared photos of my family (parents) on my blog in older posts, but you most likely haven't seen them because you are a newer reader. If you are interested, please feel free to do a search on the word "family" on my blog and you will find photos of myself and my parents and my deceased brother who died at the tender age of 7 months to bronchiole pneumonia.

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  6. Thank you Linda, I will be over to take a look. I love pictures and I really love family pictures!

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  7. Oh Mary, you brought back memories, when my Mother went to be with the Lord, in 1980 she was young,not 61 yet, I remember feeling lost! But I was married with a husband and children to care for and needed to be strong! So I thought and didn't deal with those feelings for years.There are times when I still cry because I miss her.In '87 my father passed. I have learned to trust God and lean on Him, the legacy my Mother left me was "Faith" she taught me how important it is and "Love" more so! We never forget and at times memories may hurt but I cherish them.

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  8. I understand your feelings so well! When my mother died at almost 97 I was in a fog but had to get back to work (school) and help take care of my father and family so I felt like I really didn't have a chance to properly mourn until a few years later when my father died and I was retired. Now, several years later, I'm finally able to go through their house to clear it out and recall all the memories as I sort out their belongings.

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  9. Praying for your sweet spirit Miss Mary. I know the hurt of loss with my grandparents that practically raised me and my sister and I cared for them for years. And my precious motherinlove went home to be with Jesus this past October and I am still struggling so. I know your heart. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

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  10. Hug.

    My Dad passed one year ago. It is hard to put it into words.

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  11. Oh Mary, I am so sorry for your loss, and your difficulties in dealing with it. I lost my mother before I became a mom myself, so there were so many times when I wished she were here to give my advice. I don't think one ever gets over losing such a devoted love as our Mom's love.

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